Meghan...

Ah. Public discourse into the nature of such a personal matter. If this is the way we need to communicate, to put our personal lives in the public eye, then you've obviously made that choice for both of us. What a spectacle! This shouldn't be for all to see. This is a glimpse into something very private and personal. I understand that you want to hurt me, and you have every right to do so. You've also chosen by far the most powerful method of doing it. Our metaphorical Nuclear War... You are exacting revenge for something very terrible that I had done, and I am in no position to argue. This morning when I read your comment to my post, I was embarrassed, hurt, ashamed. As I should be. I scrolled down to the trash icon of your comment and prepared to delete it by impulse. I didn't want anyone to see, to know... But then I stopped. Instead, I started writing this. It's painful, embarrassing, both to read and write. But by forcing myself to go through this incredibly difficult catharsis, and dealing with things publicly, I don't have anywhere to hide. The nature of the situation feels very Hester Prynne'esque. Everyone knows everything, and maybe that's a good start. Time will tell...

"I'm trying to see the other side of you too. Trying to see you for a human being and not just a selfish man. But you haven't convinced me yet."

Maybe over time, I can convince not only you, but everyone else, including myself. I know I'm only human, and that like everyone else, I make mistakes too. But why was I so inclined to fail so miserably? To lie so unashamedly? Pathologically? How could I delude myself to a degree where I was able to be convinced that hurting you in this way was passible?

I find some solace in the fact that in dealing with this, in this way, that I'm already stronger than most would give me credit for. I am purposely refusing myself the opportunity to hide, and to not acknowledge my actions. I am not canceling all my social-networking subscriptions. I will not hide. I genuinely want to change, to right the wrongs I've created, and move on with my life in a deterministic way. I have to do this. Both for you, and myself. These are first steps...

I am so interminably sorry, Meghan.

I have to try to work now...